Well I am sorry you are going through all this and it's really tough. My husband did not get BP2 either because his up cycle was insomnia. It was attributed to depression. Very hard for all these diagnosis when so many can be something else. My husband does take lamictal and the med has worked great. I am sure they are starting your husband out on very low dose which is protocol to see if he has a reaction to it. My husband was started on 25 mg but it was not until we hit around 100 that there was a change in moods. He ended up at 200 where he has been for 3 years. It took one year to get to 200 mg. He was also treated with seroquel since he is BP and that made some difference immediately.
Back to your original question. I think it's all about coping mechanisms and certainly the alcohol can be that for many. I think those with mental issues develop coping issues that can be unacceptable such as the outbursts at the computer and yelling in the car. For my husband he does this still he gets very frustrated much faster than I do he has little patience. I think this is more about the OCD. In my research way back when I found much information tying OCD into the Tourette family and out psychiatrist (a neuro psychiatrist) believes Bi Polar to be a "form" of epilepsy hence the succes of treatment with epilepsy meds. In our household I have learned to accept a little bit more of this than I would if he didn't have the issues. I don't like it when he yells at the computer but there has been some behavioral changes I think on a cognitive level rather than meds. I don't yell at him anymore when he yells at the computer I used to. Instead we calmly discuss things and now it's not in the amount it was before and is accompanied by a quick apology.
Truth is In my head I yell too. My fuse is longet but trust I am screaming in my head sometimes when I get pissed off I just have the self control not to yell. Somehow you two have to be able to discuss things that upset you in regard to his behavior as opposed to you getting upset OR him saying he can't help it he has OCD blah blah blah. That would be my advice is in therapy to be working on how you both handle his issues. If you are doing that already and it's not working, then I understand why you are questioning how long to hang in......