Separating the Dual Diagnosis From the A$$Hole
My RAH (technically boyfriend of 19 years) has been sober for 2 years now. While I respect, admire and understand that huge accomplishment and am grateful for the work he has done to this point, I am struggling with his general attitude and mental illness(es).
RAH has many mental health diagnoses such as Anxiety, borderline personality disorder, OCD and has a mental health timeline that is eerily bipolar. Obviously RAH self medicated until he entered rehab two summers ago.
What I struggle with most, is where does the mental illness end, and the a$$hole begin?
Even sober he is angry, passive-agressive, judgemental, and negative. The continuous complaining and negativity is exhausting. So exhausting. He also verbalizes his cultural misconceptions (or racist views) to the point where he has felt humiliated (even though no one else heard what he said). His absolute inability to give two toots about others is my biggest frustration.
RAH is in a mental downswing right now; he was declared not fit to work due to anxiety issues (high stress job), but has been attending meetings, group therapy, behavioral therapy and seeing his addiction Dr every week. He has been off work 4-5 months now (we live on my part time income, doable but not easy). He recently withdrew from his psych meds (it was an awful thing to watch) and just started brand new ones. He is trying or at least going through the motions on that front.
His crazy is making me feel crazy myself. I need to resolve within myself where my line in the sand is. When do I decide to toss in the towel (so obviously a question only I can answer)?
My biggest concern is that my kids are growing up with a very cranky person in the home who resorts to anger and judgement for the smallest of issues, as opposed to kindness and compassion.