So now that I've already posted approximately 1,000 times to this thread already, I'll just say: Hello, I'm closing out day 23.
Worked all day, got home feeling very blah and like, thinking of having a drink in a very abstract way.
Sometimes I think that my cravings are my addiction talking, sure.
But these persistent, "Maybe you can control it now," kinds of thoughts feel more like me, being arrogant and ****** and thinking I can handle anything. They're the only thoughts that, when they come, I don't want help with them. They don't feel external like cravings do, like thoughts of "**** it" do, or like romanticizing does. They feel like my own stupid thoughts.
I don't know. It doesn't particularly matter so far. I find that getting on here will always give me a thread in short order where someone says something like, "I thought this time I could control it, and then I woke up painted like I'm in the blue man group and I don't know why, and I'm allergic to blue, I've got to stop doing this to myself," and such threads can usually set me right. I've screenshotted some too :p
I'm just being dumb and philosophical.
Anyway, I went for a run after dinner and felt much better. I'm so unstable sometimes these days. Taking simple actions can change my mood so drastically I feel a little insane. I trust these are the mood swings of early recovery that I hear so much about. Okay.
I can't promise I won't post anything else tonight. I'm apparently in a posty mood.