Thanks to you all. Redatlanta, that's scary. I do believe my story is slightly different though and maybe I'm in denial but both my therapist and mother (who is a blunt no holds barred person) both believe he truly loved me and did his best to make a go of it, but just couldn't stave off the addiction. He kept telling me early on "I'm pushing you away because I know I'm starting to struggle and I need to protect you from me." Even in July he said "I'm protecting you and me from us." He also said early on that I needed to detach but then at times would beg me to please hang on. He was torn. He would wobble back and forth but often put his foot down and said he wanted to see me but that he couldn't cave in because he needed to protect me rather than think about what he wanted. This theme was until he really started spiraling fast and hard. That's when he turned mean. Before that he would just withdraw and come back every few weeks trying again. Finally in late July he made the bad turn. This was around the time his friendship started with the trashy girl according to mama bear. By mid August he was drinking all the time and he started calling me more and more. By September, he'd lost it all and became the threatening hostile nightmare. I don't "think" he's some bad person who was "collecting" me like a shell. Although don't get me wrong, I despise and almost hate him on some level at this point. I don't want him back, but like you I keep obsessing over whether the new girlfriend thing is true or not and if true why. My mind just wants understanding and closure. And my heart is suffering the most, from the betrayal. Not the loss, but the betrayal. The loss to the extent of the sweet guy I fell in love with who is no more. I don't think he or I have that "terminal uniqueness" that is mentioned in any sense. But, if you read posts from the other side (the A's forum), they aren't evil people (not saying you said that), and it's amazing how we are like two different nations at war with such different viewpoints and perspectives. Does that make sense or am I rambling? I do think that if he is seeing this girl it is different than my relationship with him because ours was born out of his fight to go clean and have a future and family with me. With this girl he is deep in the throes of his addiction and he's just clutching on because he's lost everything and she is all he can get now because I wouldn't help him. I expected him to face the consequences and solve it himself.
You are right about the mom though. She is a very SICK person, maybe more so than him. I have the biggest problem with her because she's not an alcoholic struggle with addiction. She just manipulated to manipulate and get what she wanted and she was in possession of all her faculties when doing so. I can say I HATE her for what she did and I hope she spends her retirement reaping karma rewards.