Hello Aly, so very sorry you are in such pain. Please, go easy on yourself. I expect nearly everyone on here has been in a relationship that started out awesome and ended up very, very hurtful.
I certainly was. It was a "soulmate" relationship. The sweet and passionate things he said absolutely melted me. Circumstance and distance prevented us from really being together for a time. However the time came when we *could've* been together and then he didn't want me. There was another woman. To say I was devastated is putting it mildly. I cried all day, every day for a long time.
My job kept me sane and I had family support, thank God. I was depressed to varying degrees for about two years.
Time heals, sweetheart, I know it's trite and a cliche but cliches exist because they are true. It's about 15 years since that guy broke my heart into a million pieces. I'm with a man who is at least a zillion times better.
My ex "soul mate" and I still have some sporadic, cordial contact. He would love to have me back. Ha ha ha ha ha! I wouldn't go back to him for a million bucks.
You'll get past this. You won't always feel so broken. I went to therapy because of that guy and although it took a couple of tries to find the right therapist, when I did he was very helpful. It's something to consider.
It'll get better! Much better.