Fabat,
yeah, your post is kind of what newcomers "typically" say
welcome.
i found i was a drunk, too. i was 51 when i finally saw that. haven't had a drink since that realization hit me full force (years ago)
i joined a forum and participated daily and found a secular peer-support meeting in my town i attended once a week. i read lots of "recovery stories" about how others quit and stayed that way.
all this to say that quitting and staying quit are entirely doable. by you, too. hope you find the support you're looking for...check out all sorts of threads here and you'll be amazed at the variety of views and "what works".