welcome Mr. Muppet...
I've been there. I understand the cycle. I think most of us do.
For me, going to meetings and getting medallions wasn't enough. To succeed in living sober, I had to deepen my sobriety. AA was a part of that, reading the Big Book was a part of that. Coming here to SR was a big part of that. Keeping recovery in my life and in my mind DAILY was a huge part of it.
But also I made active changes in my life; my outer life, my inner life, my friends and my activities and my attitude. I got more honest with myself and started digging in to work on myself. I went to counseling and group men's work events and I stopped going to places and events that were centered around drinking. I tried new things that didn't have to do with drinking. I actively worked, every day, on seeing sobriety as a positive - versus a "have to". I sought out role models in sobriety whom I admire and could look to as examples of how I wanted to be. I volunteered in service - both in recovery work and just in general in the community. I got outside myself. I built a network of friends in recovery who I could connect with and feel comfortable and supported with. I re-engaged in exercise and healthy activities and tried to get more nature in my life.
It was an entire web of things that I did as I evolved and grew and kept focused on not just "not drinking" but on living a richer life and doing so with a choice to embrace and honor life by being sober.
It has worked for nearly two years..... and I feel it will keep working.
I know you can do it too.
Welcome