Hello friends, thought I would check in tonight because as soon as I begin to avoid this site is when I start to not be so honest with myself about drinking. So tonight I had my nephew's birthday party at a restaurant and definitely had a thought about getting a big old beer when I got there. It's funny the thought kept coming into my head today as a given, not even as a temptation. It was just restaurant = beer. Then I had a kind of stressful day at work and I kept kind of thinking, well in a few hours I'll be able to get my hands around that beer. I stopped myself every time but the sensation was like muscle memory.
Anyway, I got there and everyone ordered their drinks, some people beer but not everyone. I ordered a club soda and she forgot it but my husband got a beer and it was basically in front of me to drink if I wanted. I waited 20 minutes and asked her for it again and she brought it right away. It sucked but once I had the club soda I sat with my mom and started chatting and was okish. By the end of the dinner the temptation passed and my husband and I were had a long talk on the drive back about how long it's been since I was dry for more than a few days. It's definitely been over ten years. Probably since we got together and throughout my entire adulthood. I feel pretty sad about that. This is probably the longest I've gone and only a handful of times. It is weird how obsessed I let myself get with it and not realized it. I think maybe in a way it was something I used to procrastinate turning into an adult. Anyways here comes the long weekend and it is going to feel verrrrry long indeed. Going to try to use the time for healing and yoga and even try to eat a vegetable or two
on day 7 I will see if I can find a new way to celebrate because that is going to be a huge day for me.