Originally Posted by KimsNotHome

Hello,

I'm new here.

I've recently moved to LA from Vegas. I've been in a relationship with a man since he was a few months sober and we're going on 2 years. I moved a little over 3 months ago.

Back in March, he lost his first sponsee and proceeded to withdraw from me, entirely. He spiraled but remained sober. He attends at least 12 meetings a week and has a great sponsor and support group but when it came to me, he shut off for nearly a month. It was hard but we got through it.

Now, it seems we are in a similar situation. Before I moved - we discussed "the future," and measured whether or not we should remain in a relationship. (It's about a 4 hour drive) We decided that we would. We love each other and with my career finally taking a turn in a direction that forced me to move, eventually he would be open to joining me here if that's what were to happen. No pressure. Nothing set in stone.

I make it back to Vegas as much as I can - every couple of weeks or so. However, I've been very lonely here and my life went from a constant busy state to being alone in a new city with a much slower paced work environment and no network of friends. I have much more time than I ever have and have been doing my best to fill it with freelance jobs and volunteer work - but still, I have been feeling like I'm the least important thing to him.

I have been very patient, I think. I do not ask for much. I knew going into this that I would make more trips to Vegas than he would here and that's okay - but the little I do ask for is some effort... like I told him, "you can't do the bare minimum at work and expect to keep your job."

I'm afraid I've put pressure on and recently brought it up. I've been unhappy with the lack of attention I receive from him and it came up that he doesn't know what he wants - he doesn't know if he wants to be with me forever... when I know that's what I want.

I've gone through a world of emotions. I've been angry from feeling neglected. I've felt guilty for asking something of him. I've felt resentful of the time and attention he gives everyone but me. I've been sad that I can't fix this. I know that - truly - this is out of my hands... but I'm also walking around like a zombie and just wanting to make things better.

I feel like maybe he thinks we should break up but doesn't want to be the one to say it. It's the last thing I want. I know he's not neglecting me out of malice. I know he loves me. I just want to know what I can do or not do at this point.

Like I said, we've been through this kind of thing before. He shuts me off and all he can say, if I ask questions, is "I don't know."

I don't even know what I'm asking for in this forum. It helps to write it all out. Obviously I want this to work out but it's out of my hands so I guess ultimately I'm asking for people to listen. Has anyone been through this or something similar?

Thank you for reading.