thanks everyone. it means a lot to know that others have been where i am right now and made it
i have family but they are not like me. talking about my feelings or problems is not something i ever do or have done with them. my mother knows i drink but i don't think she knows how bad it is. she remembers me when i was younger and stronger and probably wouldn't understand what i'm turning into. i don't really want her to know
i plan to begin exercising again, i have my own bench and weights at home that have been miserably sitting in the corner for the past 2 years. i also need to get my mind going again, learn a new skill... will think on it
but for the next few days i just wanna eat and watch junk tv, go for a quiet walk... and not drink. i will report back. thanks again