Hi Sleepie,
You are gonna be ok. I would hate to see you use this as an excuse to get back on benzos.
My default mode is negativity, anxiety, and self pity. I was drowning in it when I quit drinking. I also allowed myself to drown in it for a couple of months after I quit. I finally decided I could either focus on right now, this day, and make the most of it or I could continue being miserable for the rest of my life. I have no idea how long I have left. Could be a day or could be 20 years. But I want it to be as positive as possible regardless of the situation. I've found that changing to be positive is like most other things. I have to want it and I have to work at it. But it also gets easier with practice to where it becomes more of the default mode.
You have to do the footwork to make things change Sleepie. There is only so much we can do.