Taking responsibility for my life is what got me into NA. I realized that I could no longer blame everything around me for my problems. I realized that I was the one causing it all. I also realized that I had no idea what to do about that. I asked God to help me because I did not know what the hell I was doing. I could get clean (even for long periods of time) but I could not stay clean and my using was getting worse and worse with every relapse. God showed me the NA program. I still remember that light bulb moment when I realized that the common denominator in all my problems was me! I had spent my whole life blaming other people, places, and things for everything. I always thought if only I could move, or if only this person would change, or if I could have that then I would be able to be happy. But none of that ever worked. It never made any difference. I was sharing last night at my group about how I had everything the way I thought I wanted it once and I STILL wasn't happy. I found something else to bitch about. Anyway since I have taken on the responsibilty for my state of being and am no longer relying on anyone or anything else (other than God, my Higher Power) for my happiness I am a lot happier. I don't have all the stress that I used to have in my life. It's not perfect and I do still have my moments but it's nothing like what it used to be. Now I look back and I can't believe what I was doing. How on earth did I ever think I was going to be able to control or change everything around me so I could be happy? Totally crazy.