I am struggling today, my abf is in one of his no energy no talk phases,poor me..and I am just tired of the whole thing. He usually does a disappearing act when he is using and full of chos due to his own behaviors. I am trying to hold off, and giving him and myself some hope, he is going to the doctor next week to try a second round of detoxing. I have listened to his agenda over and over, and it seems like those with all the drama in his life get all of his attention. All the dysfunction sucks the life from him, and then there is me, I get the left overs. They appear to be short, as he is wiped out from dealing with outside issues......(things a healthy person does on a daily basis and is fine with it, work, family chaos) The addiction rules everything he does, and all the juggling to keep the scripts coming makes him exhausted even more.
I know he has his friend helping with the scripts....and I say damn those on line pharmacies!!!!!!
I just do not feel like doing a darn thing today, and I feel angry at myself for letting his actions control my day. I am feeling stuck....I feel really strong at times, and know I do not need this, and well today, I am wishing for just a call to hear his voice. Pretty pathetic place to be in huh?
I know this will pass, but I cannot seem to get my butt out of this one .
Any words for me? ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am hiding uner the sunglasses today, and pulling the covers over my head.