It's bittersweet isn't it? I still feel waves of energy and sadness/fear and its been 8 months for me. It will come and go. Be easy on yourself as you grieve. It sounds as if your ExAH is not doing so well. It might make sense to make a backup plan if you do lose the child support. I have learned not to really count on my EXAH for anything. Its amazing how you really see how dysfunctional things were when you are in the midst of it. Good job reconnecting with your old friends. In time you will feel the serenity. Hugs and best wished for that bright open future of yours.