Soberish

For those who haven't seen my other thread. I just started a new college and this past week has been very hectic. I didn't stop smoking weed or drinking alcohol until this last week, I've got 3 days clean so far.

I came home for the weekend because I needed to get the rest of my things. I did some of my work but probably not as much as I should have. I had to gather my things and buy some stuff from the stores this weekend, and I have been trying to make sure my checklist is completed.

Long story short, today wasn't a great day starting with the morning. It was just one of those off days where I woke up with that feeling in my gut where I feel like I'm doomed. I went for a run as soon as I got up, but I was so sore from working out these past few days that I had to cut it shorter than I wanted. I didn't get around to my math homework until a few hours ago and I just don't understand it I guess.

This has escalated my anxiety, I guess you would call it. Now I really can't get anything done, and my mind is racing. My assignment isn't due until Tuesday but I thought I had this anxiety thing mastered already. Everytime I work out I feel better, so I thought I would be able to have that under control by simply working out. I guess that's not the case because today just hasn't been right.

So now I'm very worried because I have a lot on the line with this school thing. I signed a 6 month lease and if I can't pass my classes then I don't have funding to pay this lease. It's one thing to not understand the math, but it is another thing to have these days of feeling that impending doom that rob me of my studies. They all add up and I'm freaking out to say the least. I really am tempted to smoke some pot to help ease this but I know that I shouldn't. I need to just take a deep breath and relax but I feel like I can't.

I didn't know what to do so I got on here and just started typing. I need some support from someone.