Blue-I think you are wise to be on the look out for depression. It seems to me that apathy might be closely linked to it or one of the symptoms. So, take care. Good job exploring all the various feelings. It's easier for some moreso than others to do that.
Sometimes I wonder: What would happen if, instead of fighting difficult emotions, we accepted them? Most folks naturally wish to avoid pain, but letting it in and responding compassionately to our own imperfections, without judgment or self-blame are essential steps on the path to healing.
Some people handle physical pain better than others as in they have a high pain tolerance. Other people handle mental/emotional pain better. I like to think that I'm tough. And, generally speaking, I'm strong, cuz I've had to be, but I need to allow myself to go ahead and be weak sometimes and be ok with that. The recovering perfectionist in me fights that though...