Needing day one.
I'm needing support from a friend and I think this team likely has that friend power (please...I need support). Thank you so much for reading and considering your thoughts.
My short story is that alcohol does in fact impact my life negatively. I can stop the quantity that I drink. I just can't stop going for the drink. I have never blacked out to my knowledge and I have never thrown up from drinking. It has not impacted my work/life to this point. As I went to AA meetings this month and read the big book, I definitely see that the large audience of alcoholics is/was facing a different challenge than I am. At least my experience doesn't fall in line closely with their experience.
I lust for that very relaxed feeling that is found after 3 drinks. Usually I take that to six drinks, no more than 8 drinks. This is very clear to me that it is affecting my daily life. How do I grab ahold of myself and stop? I made it a week dry and after learning more about alcoholism through AA and the big book, I felt maybe I was not an alcoholic. I was actually extremely confident on day 7. Then, I take the dive again (drink) and I'm back in the same lost cycle of drinking every day.
I can tell you this. I felt good. Really good on day 7 without alcohol. Where do I fall? Are there folks facing my challenge? How should I pull myself up and beat this?