Hello Plenty,
You really have done a lot right! You've worked and made a lot of changes. Sometimes we circle back only to grow again. Be gentle on yourself. Get back to running. Get back to counseling. Try ACA - especially if it's available and accessible to you.
As for the parenting self-judgement, I look at my parenting mostly in a generational review. Am I doing better than my grandparent and parents? Yes. Then good. It sounds like you've really dug in and worked yourself to death trying to be different. It wears one out and things come out wrong (yelling, criticism, perfectionism perhaps?). But I think your motives were good and you are aware of how things sort of went awry. Here's where I think meetings paired with counseling can really help clear the past without shame and keep one focused on setting new patterns of behavior a lot quicker. You could head in to counseling and state that is your main focus. You could work the steps with a parenting focus. I've had some people in my meetings talk about using the steps to evaluate areas of their life that is just not operating smoothly.
Hugs! You really need to see how much you have changed!