Bluetomato-
I just want to normalize your experience.
I am FINALLY feeling anger for the first time in the last year to 18 months. It was buried underneath pretty deep, and has been the last major emotion group I have been able to get in touch with.
Often when I am in the moment and I don't want to FEEL angry I get really confused and uncertain of myself. I call it "foggy." For me this is because anger has been such a taboo emotion that I would rather be disconnected and a little "stupid/confused," then admit to me I am angry.
I once read a quote that has helped me. "Anger is depression turned outside and depression is anger turned inside." As I have been willing to FEEL my anger a lot of my sadness has lifted. I think I was stuffing anger for so long that it was fermenting and making me take swings at myself. I still try to not take my anger and angry behavior out into the world to make everyone else in it miserable.....but I think stomping around "angry," and feeling angry are two very different things.
Finally for me resentment is a part of anger. I have not done any direct work on this yet.
A book that I have had for YEARS and finally just read is called the Dance of Anger by Harriet (can't remember her last name). It was really helpful to me.
Finally I have found that my anger can be enervating (sp?). It helps me to get up and move, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Sadness for me is often more still, sometimes to the point of rest and lethargy.
Anger for me is starting to take on the role of an appropriate emotion to signal to me that something is wrong and a boundary of mine has been crossed. I don't want to live in anger the rest of my life but having a relationship with my anger has allowed me to live my life.
It sounds like you are doing some good work right now. Congrats.