I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate to this from my own perspective as well as being with my ex fiance. Right now I need to stop drinking/escaping I'm exhausted and only 30. I used to work out for hrs a day and don't think this is attractive in the slightest and have a dulling of motivation. I didn't party hard last night but feel really tired and am really self conscious that I'm not doing enough today. At least for me ivegotten in too deep (chemically) . However I am a caring person who holds herself to a high standard usually. I'm not lazy usually and people thought I was anorexic for years (not a good thing at all but I was very active even though I drank way too much). It's possible his drinking has gotten so bad he might need help but in a way that is non judgmental - I know that's so hard!!
With my ex who is a true male addict and who got me into drinking bc didn't want to drink alone I saw the addictions and they distracted me from the fact the core problem was he's abusivr to women as well and doesn't tell the truth. In the end don't be so hard on yourself it's not about something you didn't do that caused this. II understand though and it hurts