Mornings are rough? Need Acceptance?
Hey, I had such a difficult time getting up this morning. Borderline depressed. What was weird was I had so convinced myself the night before that I would get up earlier and enjoy the morning.
Last night, I talked to my girlfriend on the phone and told her my plan to get up early and cook some of the eggs that had been piling up in the fridge during the first two months of my recovery and then read, relax before going to work. After I talked to her, I did some reading and I really felt good.
But when the alarm went off this morning, the last in the world I wanted to do was get out of bed. Not only that, I started thinking of my friends who are married, their kids, the cool places they live. I got depressed. A little resentful. It was awful.
I finally managed to get out of bed and eat a bowl of cereal and pack a lunch. Two goals I really wanted to accomplish because saving money by eating at home is one of things I chose to focus on in early recovery. But I was later than I wanted to be. And saving money today in no way feels like an accomplishment even though I was excited to start trying just yesterday. Feeling the burnout at work today.
What gives? Is my morning brain just not aware of where my life is right now? I really feel like I wake up expecting a different reality. I suspect I am not really accepting my situation. How do I do this without putting myself down?