Hi Marney - so glad you let some of that pain out. I recognise some of those feeling. The odd thing is that I most of the people who know you personally would be really shocked that you feel that way about yourself.
I second the suggestion about trying different meetings for AA. Re running: the time I find myself chatting most to anyone at running club is when marshalling a club event rather than actually running. Same with AA I suppose: most of the friendly general chatting happens when I'm helping to set up or clear up. Do you have a sponsor and work the steps? If not, I strongly suggest getting one and starting the step work soon. Completing steps up to 5 marked the end of a very painful period for me, and I know others who have had the same experience.
Your post mentions all the ways in which your personal worth is not being appreciated or reflected in others. It would really help if you could get past this need and start to appreciate you for YOU. CoDa has really helped me understand some of this stuff. It could be worth going along to some CoDa (still 12 step, so familiar format for you) meetings, or get a copy of their handbook to read through. I found it very enlightening with regard to my own dependence on others approval, and has helped me start to work more comprehensively on this area than the AA step work does.