Tired and Frustrated
I'm 36 days sober and will go to bed sober. I am not happy. I don't like my job. I don't like the city I live in. I feel STUCK here. I moved back May of last year after almost a year in mid-Florida. Why I moved back I still can't figure out. Everyone says not to make any major life changes the first year. I plan to stay in this place and at this job for 10 or 11 more months ONLY for this reason.
I can honestly say I do not want to stay sober today. I want to drink away the misery. Even if it were for only one night. I feel there is no relief without it. I've cried from stress today which is totally not me. I'm physically exhausted from such a stressful job. There isn't anywhere in this city that I have a desire to work at. I am flat out miserable.
To be honest, I don't know if it's because I'm still working through sobriety or if I'm just doomed to be at a place where I am totally unhappy. Right now I feel like my life totally sucks. I wish I could go to bed, but I can't because my dogs don't need to be stuck in their crates that long. They're my babies and I try to keep them happy & content.
Anyway, I really needed to vent. I can't say that I feel any better, but perhaps someone can understand where I'm coming from. For today I am staying sober even if I don't want to. My new philosophy is I will be happy tomorrow that I didn't drink today. That is the ONLY thing keeping me sober tonight.