Quit, welcome back. As long as I left an opening for drinking I was always setting myself up to fail. Once you start negotiating with your AV, the battle is lost for the day.
Once I completely took drinking away as an option, a huge weight was lifted. Still tough, but I knew I didn't have the option that "I might drink again someday". Now, I don't drink... simple as that.
We all have down time, lonely time, bored time and times that we are just negative on life in general. I know I do. You've got to fight through those times. Realize that if you drink today, tomorrow will be worse than if you stayed sober.
Not drinking isn't easy for any of us... but it is doable and the reward you get is being able to live life on your terms. Don't let your AV dictate how your life plays out. We never know how many tomorrows we have left. I lost 20 years of memories to drinking, I'm not letting my AV ride shotgun for another minute.
Stay strong Quit, you can do this.