Leshar, I can 100% guarantee that drinking will make you feel like a worthless piece of "you know what". It's a depressant too, remember, so it's never going to give you the relief you seek. If it did, you wouldn't have stopped drinking.
I know there are many things we are tricked into thinking that drinking will fix, or provide even short term relief to, but it's a lie. We've used it as a coping mechanism and then it's turned into an addiction - what coping mechanism is missing that you still want alcohol? I do ask myself this now when I have a vague thought of drinking, I know there's a lot I still have to learn, and that life throws me curveballs I can't anticipate, but I'm a grown woman and can get through them. Huddling up with a bottle solved nothing and put my life on hold for too many years.
Yes on the family drinking! Or not accepting that we have a problem....that's dangerous ground. I think they also think that because they see you have stopped drinking, that you have self-control, therefore no drinking problem and one or two won't hurt. I've given up trying to broach a subject most of them will never understand. Hell, I never understood it myself until I experimented abysmally a few times!
Hope Tiki improves soon, Leshar.xx