Thank You All
I wrote a post earlier but the whole thing is lost somewhere.
I want to thank everyone for their advice and support. I don't think I'd get through this without the caring voices of everyone here. I am going to find a Alanon meeting. I feel strong enough and comfortable with myself to go.
I don't know how this will all play out, but I do know I emotionally and physically can't take much more. With each passing day, I seem to becoming more detached from the man I love.
My ah has no patience or appears to have lost his sense of self and understanding. In the 11 years we have been together, my ah would never have called me the names he has. Only over the past 1 1/2, has he grown into this monster. He show no remorse for his behavior, feels he right and the world is wrong.
I am having a difficult time deciding what to do. I think it's my history. I've always considered myself damaged goods. I was in an abusive marriage for 23 yrs before I walked away.
I am a very proud good person. I do everything I can to help others, but funny I can't help myself! I found a book on the forum that I'm reading " Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. I'm hoping it will give me some insight.
I'm no saint by any means, but I wouldn't attentionally try to hurt someone. I always tell my patients when they are asking me a question about leaving a situation. That they already know the answer to the question, just needed validation.
Right now my ah is sleeping away. Again I'm alone, probably a good thing after last night.
Yes I have very high expectations for myself. I also I guess have expectations of my ah. I am going to have to learn to let those things go. My ah is not going to stop drinking. He likes to drink.
I am now going to have to rethink how I want to live my life.
I'm taking everyone's advice and am going to stop looking for bottles. It's just driving me crazy, he could care less.
I guess what I was saying is my ah was my life, and now he is not. Alcoholism is his life, but is not going to be mine.
I just need the strengh and courage to stay true to my self.
Thanks for listening!