drago0n

Hi everyone,

My SO and I dated for nine years. He was what I think is a functioning alcoholic. He'd go through a case of beer in a couple of days, and hard liquor would be gone in even less than that. We liked wine, but wine was more of an accompaniment to a meal. He'd do this consumption pattern every few weeks, so it wasn't a regular dependance. I never questioned his alcoholism because he came out of his shell when he drank. He went from this super quiet, reserved guy to a man who was sweet, loving, and full of life.

We moved in together four years ago. We had some arguments about sex (he wanted more, I wasn't as interested) many times that never resolved themselves. On a few occasions, he would go to nightclubs and try to solicit sex. Other times, he'd go online to dating sites and post ads looking for someone to do what I couldn't do. Each time I found out through some accidental discoveries, I'd stay because I didn't know where else to go. Each time, I'd tell myself, "He just slipped up. He won't do it again." The last straw was when he confessed that he got blackout drunk, drove to someone's house, and did things with a woman he met online. The worst part is that it happened a long time ago, and he said he only felt guilty for the first day after it happened. Then, he put the event aside and pretended that nothing happened. He did it because I didn't give him what he wanted.

My aunt noticed that I wasn't being as positive as I normally was, so I broke down and told her. She told me to move in with her ASAP. He knows I'm in another city, but he doesn't know her address. He keeps texting me, telling me to come back so he can work through things with me. He says he's going to seriously hurt himself because I'm not there with him. I told him I care about him, but I care about my self-respect more. I can't stoop so low as to go back just because he's feeling sad. With the support of my aunt and her husband, I am consistently reminded that I need to take care of myself first and foremost. They are wonderful people who can see what I can't seem to see.

I see so many issues he's going to have to deal with. I suggested he speak with a mental health professional. I hope he talks about his drinking, his lack of guilt, and his issues with compulsive lying. I hope he chooses to receive the treatment he needs, to save his next relationship.

There were red flags throughout the entire nine years. I just made excuses for him and for myself.

Has anyone else dealt with this type of situation?