Puddinface,
I'm sorry that you are facing this. The pain of addiction is horrendous and it can rule as well as ruin our lives so easily.
I'm in a similar situation. My AS left here almost a year ago because we refused to let him continue to drink and deceive us. He has refused to speak to us or even tell us where he is. I fear for his life and his sanity, but I have had to let go. It has broken my heart. I am also suffering some health problems which I believe are the result of the stress. But I will say the stress of him being gone is less than when he was here. That roller coaster never stopped.
What devastating and terrible pain we mothers experience that would bring us to the point of having to give up on our beloved children!