Zircon, I'm not so worried about the young man. It sounds like he is old enough to take care of himself, and anyway what goes on between your husband and this young guy is not under your control. I'm more worried about you! We have a saying around here: "Nothing changes if nothing changes." It doesn't sound like your husband has any interest in making a change, so you might have to be the one to make a change if you are tired of living like this. I think talking to a lawyer is a great idea.