Blue - I've been on this rollercoaster for almost 3 years now.
BF's Detox/rehab was march &april 2014.
Followed by a stint in a transition house.
I had finally let my guard down so much I didn't even realize he relapsed May, July & then in October 2014 he went on a huge binge.
Set some new boundaries...in January he moved out.
Failed to enforce those boundaries as discovered I was pregnant. He passed a 3 month clean hair follicle test in January. The behaviours of addiction/chronic relapses were all still there...lying, sneaking around etc.
He binged twice in March of this year.
Muddle through the past many months...still with him lying, sneaking around, using NA/16 step groups as places to troll and cheat.
Passed a three month hair follicle test in July.
Just the other day his "six month clean" test showed positive for meth & cocaine.
Of course the excuses - it's from a quit smoking drug, ingested residue on dishes from rental, absorbed from sleeping on bed another user sweated on, absorbed from handling baggies left in rental suite by old tenant.
It's tough...really tough...but trust your gut, or trust but verify.
Or if possible leave. I wish I had taken the advice of so many and left years ago.
Now I realize how much time and energy I have wasted on someone who is not ready to recover. To do the work. He too wouldn't attend meetings, wouldn't go to counselling etc. He always claims to "have it under control".
And when he does go it doesn't seem to be about recovery or working steps but rather socializing, cheating and getting attention for being a "recovering addict " and since he is a functioning addict feels people there look up to him.
You are right you can't babysit him 24/7 and you shouldn't have to.
Been there and spent so much time thinking something I could say/do/be would make a difference but it's really truly up to them 100% stay clean or not.
I hope you can find a way to make peace with whatever you choose and focus on your own wants/needs because it's truly not healthy for those of us who live in constant worry of the relapse.