This is tough, Blue...I would probably feel the same as you do right now if I was in your shoes. I am in recovery myself and know the He ll I put my husband in before I was finally willing to get REAL and get real help. I denied, I lied, I tried to cover up...I did the whole thing...my drugs were prescription pain meds (opiates, sleeping pills and alcohol, not cocaine, but still, I lied and lied and lied. I had to get honest. I hope he will stay clean, but I sure don't blame you for being suspicious and having an icky feeling about it. I am sorry for what you are going through. You've got to take care of yourself.