Just cried and cried through the AA meeting last night, but better to have gone.
I'm in TO for my acting class tomorrow so I'm looking forward to it and being with people. Mornings are worst atm but I'm working really hard. I cannot numb out with stuff any more. My sister emailed and told me she's now spending compulsively, especially online, since she quit her job. That's one thing I don't do, I'm terrified about running out of money. I think that our family has addictive tendencies. My poor nephew who committed suicide was not only depressed but was in debt because of addictive gambling. I hope this chronic feeling of sadness, melancholy will pass.
I'm mired in what a **** I was to Larry when I was drinking. Can't seem to stop obsessing about that. He was worried about my drinking. He said just before he died "I'm worried you're going to become an alcoholic" meaning after he died and I'd be alone. Well, I was drinking alcoholically long long before, it's certainly become horribly worse with blackouts since he died.
Sorry, don't mean to go on, I have to accept that I cannot change the past. I will do my best today. Just wonder why the cravings are so massive this last day or two?
Stay strong, everyone.