Hi everyone,
I got wine on my way home and I know I am going to drink it.
I know it is my fault. I know I need a plan. I printed off a plan.
I don't have the will/ambition/want, whatever it is called to fill out the plan.
Part of the reason, it is hard for me to answer the questions. I don't know what my triggers are. I know a couple of my triggers but most of the time, like tonight, I don't know what made me actually go buy the wine, where as the last 9 nights, I didn't. What was different about tonight? I don't know.
I know I am a little on edge. I have a lot going on at work, a lot going on in my life, but bottom line is I have to deal with that stuff in some way other than drinking. When I bought the wine, the cashier asked me if I was okay and I started to cry. How embarrassing. I don't even know why, I am blaming it on guilt/shame for purchasing the wine in the first place. But I couldn't get out of the store fast enough and I bet the cashier doesn't ask anyone if they are okay again any time soon.
I know something needs to change or I will never beat this. I need to figure out what to change and how to change it. Until I do, I am destined to fail.
Sorry for the long post. I hope everyone has a great Wednesday and thanks for listening.