They feel that as he's never been physically abusive, and because he is so high-functioning, he must not really have a problem. It's hard to trust my gut when I get their opinions. Clearly your friends have not lived with an alcoholic. That is why they are advising you the way they are. Suggest stop discussing with them.
. My brother wants to talk to him about marriage counseling. No point in counseling with an active alcoholic. Honestly if you, his wife, can't get him to go how is your brother going to. I wonder why he is so opposed to counseling even just for you??? I have a guess why..........
There really is no point in telling him not to drink. I get where you are coming from, but here's a couple of points. We all (most likely) have attempted to curb the drinking - it will not work. If it did there wouldn't be alcoholics. He won't quit drinking because you tell him to, he will just become more devious about drinking. When that gets tiresome he will tell you to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Always remember that alcoholism is a disease of denial - once you really get that concept understanding it becomes a little easier.
It sounds like your husband has a many years problem with alcohol. The suggestions here have been great ones inclusive of his suggesting you go to Al Anon.