I have also been thinking about this a lot.
Yesterday on a great drive to see an old friend another small piece clicked into place for me.
Part of what I get confused about with this stuff is similar to when I make "You" statements (which are often shaming or blaming), compared to "I" statements which is usually about how I feel about a situation. The I statement is valid because they are my feelings and just reframing it tends to make it my opinion instead of my judgement.
Again thanks for this thread.