Originally Posted by
Leem1 
Tonight I'm feeling sad. Think I could be grieving a lost way of life, a way I had come to know as 'real'. Feel sort of lost now and unsure of this new life, and yet know I must stay on track and keep going. Went to a pub to hear music on Fri night and drank soda n lime, actually drove home, walked inside took deep breaths...the urge to pour a vino was palpable...didn't. This is going to be a difficult journey and harder than I suspected. Am being forced to be totally real with myself. No more sweeping things under the carpet...hurts.
I can totally relate! I have found out that when stop using a substance your body depended on it can leave a void. And I've needed to find other, more healthy things to fill that void. There WAS a time in my life when I did not depend on a substance, so I can remember and VISUALIZE what that would be like. Part of me still wonders if I can go back to being a 'responsible drinker'....and guess I don't want to risk finding that out. Perhaps I've proven too many times that I cannot be a responsible drinker...and still a voice pops up in my head doubting, when I now know good and well I've got to stay away from the stuff.
My brain and body are healing. It's okay to blah days. That will pass and you will learn or relearn healthier ways to live and life will more full than ever thought it could be.