I drank to block out my wife....
a couple of wives, actually....
And then later I learned that I drank to block out my own misery about a lot of things.
And I learned that I drank to block out my own feelings in general.... about a lot of things.
With time, I learned that I drank instead of dealing with life. I don't know what effect sobriety and mature emotional development may have had on my relationships. Very likely, things would have been different because I would have been bringing a very different person to the relationship than I did in my drinking Self.
When we get sober within relationship, I think it can be really complicated for everyone involved. I think the best policy is to honestly acknowledge - to self and to our significant other(s) - "this is going to be tumultuous and emotionally volatile. Let's not judge one another or our relationship during this process."
How long will that take? Well, it's different for us all, I believe. But, I also believe that we probably ought not judge too quickly or too harshly our significant others as we seek to heal ourselves. There is a very good chance we'll BOTH be very different people after some solid sober time.....