Originally Posted by
Leem1 
Tonight I'm feeling sad. Think I could be grieving a lost way of life, a way I had come to know as 'real'. Feel sort of lost now and unsure of this new life, and yet know I must stay on track and keep going. Went to a pub to hear music on Fri night and drank soda n lime, actually drove home, walked inside took deep breaths...the urge to pour a vino was palpable...didn't. This is going to be a difficult journey and harder than I suspected. Am being forced to be totally real with myself. No more sweeping things under the carpet...hurts.
it's ok to feel this.... I did, too. I think we all go through it. It IS a grieving process.
Though we may be able to logically see all the many positives of sobriety, still there is a loss. In many ways, a death of Self. And that comes with grief and even fear.... of the unknown, the new Self... will we love that Self? And the letting go of the old is a rite of passage worth ceremony.
A letter of goodbye to alcohol, even to the departed Self, is one good way to mark that passage with honor of ceremony and help move through the cycle of grief and acceptance. Therapy can also help.
I used to feel like you describe a lot.... now if I feel so moved, I can go to a pub to enjoy a band I like and I can drink a non-alcoholic soda and really enjoy myself. I usually won't stay long, because I still don't really like the sometimes-melancholy feeling I get in those surrounds. I don't like seeing lots of people in a setting devoted to drinking - but I don't feel nearly as sad about it anymore. If I choose to go to a setting like that, I choose it with awareness. I go and I have a good time and I go home. Sober.
This will pass.