Thanks dee. I'll have to read the link when I get home from yoga. I feel bad for posing such depressing stuff. I hope I didn't hijack the thread. I'm feeling much better this morning. I just keep finding reminders and it brings everything back. I realize this morning that his comment about accepting his fate and either shutting down or being joyful is much like accepting addiction and either giving up or recovering. Maybe there's a reason that stuff was there.