Welcome Leem
I understand grieving the loss of alcohol. My playmate, friend, partner. But I have to remember that the relationship turned very toxic....was destroying me and what I hold most important. My addicted brain wants me to return so it will trick me into thinking a whole host of lies. I have to remember that the romantic thoughts of alcohol aren't true. Alcohol will kill me. I am fascinated by my habituated brain. My brain will begin to 'calm down' the moment I decide to drink.....before any alcohol has even entered my system. Quite a trick.
Stick around and read. Post your feelings. Pay close attention to those who quit, relapse, come back....going back to drinking never, ever works. Ever.