Judgmental - having or displaying an excessively critical point of view
I have thought about judgement quite a lot because my FOO has LOTS of it. I view it as the opposite of support.
Some ways I have thought about it are
1. Life is like a basketball game that I'm playing. The judgment comes from the "fan" who constantly badgers at me. I make a basket - they say, "could have been a 3-pointer". I get injured, they say, "get up you sissy". I get the ball stolen, they say, "what are you doing?" the list goes on
I don't know about you, but for me, judgment akin to #1 has NEVER lifted my spirit. Has it enticed me to listen? NOPE. Has it ever been helpful? NOPE. Do we tend to look at the fan funny that spews constant negativity and wonder, "Do you even want this team to succeed?"
Another way of looking at it is that if I want to decide what's best for someone else, aren't I taking on the role of the higher power? Aren't I being a little bit arrogant? Self-important? When will I EVER know precisely all I need to know to make the best possible decision...FOR SOMEONE else. I believe it's a no. I will never "FEEL" for another person. So much of our choices have to do with how we're feeling.
I'm not in actual physical danger with my estranged sibling. I just feel extremely uncomfortable around him (due to the #1 example above where he criticizes my marriage, and I don't want him as a fan nor anywhere near my basketball game of life). Thus, much of my decision is predicated on feeling. No one else can tell me exactly what the right thing to do is. They're often seeing the situation from a limited view. They see it from this angle, and my other friend sees it from that angle, and co-worker 2 sees it from that angle. But none of them see the bigger picture.
In my mind, maybe that's the job of the Universe...the higher power.
So, when I see a friend struggling and I think the situation is similar to my own and I wonder, "maybe they should separate from that toxic person" - I try to back up for a moment and realize. I don't know everything and it's definitely not my decision anyways. Often what I'll do is share my personal experiences in my own life - define the pros and cons of my choices and leave that person to decide what they'll do.
I wonder...is judgment a manifestation of me wanting to take control? In which case, I work to accept the things that I can not control, and to change the things that I do control (and knowing the difference is daily work!).
However, in my own personal life...hmmm, how would I characterize setting a boundary? Such as, loved one #1 drinks so much and in front of their children, and that's not something I want in front of my child. John Gottman's work has helped quite a lot (he talks about using a complaint through I statements instead of criticism --- you did this and I felt that and I need this). To separate a person from their behavior. I wonder if removing the "it's wrong" part helps? I'm not sure. So, for example, I told my family that they put things under the rug, and that just isn't the way I want to live my life. That I didn't believe they were wrong. Just different. It was not something I wanted for myself. That something else works for me than what works for them. For my brother, I told him that I loved him very much and did not think he was a bad person - only that the things he said about me and my wife - I felt deeply hurt by and that I wanted to live free from criticism and judgment.
I'm not sure if this helps. I spent decades living with the judgmental mindsight. I'm trying to change my behavior drastically. I struggle as well to even identify if what I'm thinking, saying, or doing is the expression of judgment. One thing I would say for sure...when I look in the past and see something I said/felt that was definitely judgment, I also feel pain. Because I was judging someone I loved.
For me, judgment is TOXIC NASTY stuff. It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. A double edged sword that harms the other person and me as well.
I'm working to clear that stuff out. It feels terrible to carry it around.
Take what you like - leave the rest.