Originally Posted by
NYCDoglvr 
I dealt with these same issues during the first few years of sobriety. Fortunately I had a brilliant sponsor who helped me "grow up". What I learned is it's much easier to point the finger at someone else than deal with my own issues. I felt superior. This is very rude and it makes people angry. I also learned NEVER to offer unsolicited advice, which is still difficult two decades later. It's one thing if someone asks my opinion (rarely happens) but most people just want me to listen as a way of being supportive. I was constantly reeling my mind back in and looking at my own issues. Also, I developed a mantra: "it's none of my business!"
You're off to a good start ... at least you see it's a problem.
Well, I'm debating right now if it's a problem or if my thinking about others' behavior which isn't something that I'm a fan of is me sorting out my own boundaries...
I don't have any trouble with this issue strangers or acquaintances.
It's with people close to me who as I get to know more about them, seem to be acting in ways that aren't really in line with what I want in my life...
So is it judgemental of me to not be a fan of their choices and to be questioning the friendships, or is that self care?
I started this thread this morning thinking it was the former but now Im not so sure...
Clearly we all draw a line in terms of who we choose to have around us or not... I think this maybe is less an issue of my judging and more an issue of me trying to set some boundaries and it feels really uncomfortable for me to do that...
Lots of things Im wondering...
Prior to the last few years I felt weirdly obligated to maintain even dysfunctional friendships.... And I think maybe with these two situations Im currently claiming to be judging (and maybe I am) it's more an issue of me having to decide if these are people I want to maintain relationships with. When a relationship feels toxic and reminds me of a lot of my own prior dysfunction Im not sure that's something I want to be a part of...