Alcohol has basically kicked everyone's arse who is a member here - don't feel like the Lone Ranger!
We all had to find the end of ourselves. All those paths are different. Self deprecation and / or false bravado are two of our worst enemies and opposite sides of the same coin. As alcoholics, that's what we practice though - from the penthouse to the outhouse...........over and over.
I read a ton of stuff as do many here. Yesterday SoberWolf posted this link -- Dee called it "a darn good read". Amazingly, I took the action and read it! Wow, change is indeed possible .........
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf
It is indeed a darn good read. Some of it from where you live may not be applicable, but the template of "how to " is of great value, imho.
My point is many times we have the tools already but we choose not to use them. We simply believe some day, some how we will be able to drink normally.
Page 30 - Big Book - More About Alcoholism
" Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
keep coming back, please