Originally Posted by
Meraviglioso 
I am actually seriously considering rehab right now. I don't know how I will manage it with the kids. Their father is away for work a lot and cannot change that. I don't have anyone nearby who could take care of the kids. I know I need to make this a priority though and if I can figure out the logistics I will.
(((Mera)))! I think I do understand how you are feeling. I kept on relapsing and ended up feeling full of self-loathing and doubting my ability to conquer this beast. I got lots of support here on SR and yet I needed much more. After a 3-month intensive outpatient program (3 sessions of 3 hours each per week) I stayed completely sober for about 7 months. When I had a recurrence of PTSD, I slipped but went right to my pdoc who put me on meds. I now rarely need the meds and feel solid. I had to focus
all of my energies on becoming the sober person I so badly wanted to be.
This is not a failing on your part! This is a manifestation of just how difficult it can be to beat alcoholism. I hope you will put a priority on this. I know children in the picture complicates things but to be the best mother you can be, you now need to take care of you first. Kinda like they tell us on airplanes if the oxygen masks are needed - put your own on first before your children's.