scaredikklegoth

I'm really struggling today and no one seems to care. Not my friends, not my Dad (Fiance probably does but he's at work and I don't want to hassle him).

Then again, my Dad is an alcoholic and so are my friends. Dad thinks he has a handle on it because he only drinks at the pub. Well, I suppose he does know he doesn't have a handle on it as he pawned his £900 guitar the other week for £120 and spent nearly all of it in the pub and he knows how stupid that was. I don't think he's going to stop drinking though which is going to be really hard for me as I HATE him when he's drunk. I know that sounds harsh but he is such a pain in the arse when he's drunk and he gets utterly wankered and expects everything to stop when he walks into the room so he can waffle on about a load of bull****. And if, heaven forbid, we don't stop what we're doing, he sulks.

I've only know him a few years btw so I don't know if he's always been like this. I imagine he has.

At least he's utterly broke atm so he cant go but the moment he gets any money, he's gonna go straight to that pub, drink 8 pints and then come home and be a ****. I used to handle it by getting drunk so he wouldn't annoy me as much. Now I suppose I'll just have to look at him and be glad that my nose hasn't turned red yet.

As for my friends, they obvs really don't want to look at their own drinking habits (both immediately went through the whole 'Oh well, I only do this and this' thing to justify why their drinking wasn't a problem) which means that I don't have anything to say to them right now.

I feel alone and usually when I feel alone, I drink. Christ, this is hard.