Rar
Sorry to hear you're having a rough day, but this too shall pass? Yes?
It sounds like the AV has really latched onto the "have to" , depriving yourself point of view. Maybe try combating those thoughts and feelings with a more pro-rar stance. You choose to not drink because of all the reasons that make for a better , healthier, and yes even eventually a happier Rar.
The present is the only time we can act , the idea of controlling 'now' helped me when building sober muscle. And sometimes the nows come closer together and too often for comfort, but they can be dealt with, you got this . Keep making good choices , because you want to, not just because you 'have to'(that's the AV)
Wish you well