Welcome Scared. A lot of good advice here already. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and stronger than your excuses to drink.
The good news is with some hard work, determination and will power you can get your life back. Come up with a plan, stick around here or any other recovery source that you have, and remind yourself every day why you aren't drinking today. Absolutely nothing good will come from an alcoholic having another drink.
You can turn your life back in the direction you want.
Lean on us, we are here for each other.