Ready to leave him
Okay everyone, it's taken me years but I think I'm finally ready to leave my boyfriend. His drug use has continued, waxed and waned over the years but it's certainly still there. I've posted before so I won't rehash everything, but he snorts subutex (like suboxone but pill form and can be crushed - apparently it's like abusing methadone) and every 2-3 months he'll go on a coke binge, usually when I'm out of town. Our 5 year old daughter has never seen him use drugs, that I'm aware of and he functions like a normal person on the subutex, no nodding off or anything and you'd never be able to tell. But, I'm certain she's seen and felt the impact those drugs have had on her father regardless.
So I've decided that I'm done with the lies and the emotional abuse and broken promises. I'm done with the lost jobs and financial impact of his poor choices. I'm done worrying if he's going to kill himself one day when he scores coke and leaves the house because he knows I won't tolerate that here. I'm just done and I'm not even angry. I just don't want that in my life anymore.
I guess what I need from you kind folks is just some support that leaving him and breaking up our family is the right thing to do. My parents never divorced, so I hate that this is happening to my daughter. I hate that I'm making the decision to separate. I've read all the studies on divorce and kids and I know that it has a huge impact on kids and they're more likely to turn to drugs or alcohol themselves, just more at risk in general.
Plus, I'm concerned that I won't be around for supervised visits with my daughter. I won't be there to protect her from him if he does take a nosedive and starts using heavily around her or near her or while driving her, God forbid. I won't be there to protect her from him. She'll still have him in her life, so what positive impact am I really making on her life by leaving him?
As for me, I'm emotionally detached and checked out at this point. Without her in our lives, this would be a no-brainer. But, I'd do anything for her including stay with someone that makes me miserable.
Thanks in advance for everyone's help because this is tough.