I only know about how he felt after his married, etc....because that is what he told me. About him having only a few beers because that is what he told me. But, he lied about his drinking (how much) during our marriage so why did I choose to believe that.
That is why I asked the question, to get responses as to why I might feel this way.
It is hard for me to understand how he can say he doesn't even want a beer and then be fighting an obsession at the same time. You all are right, because I don't have the disease I can't possibly know what goes on in his head.