Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement.
It is night one and I almost caved already. I have had such a stressful day with my 2 year old, she would test the patience of a saint. I was itching to drop by the bottle shop on my way home, I literally had to tell my inner voice to shut the hell up, I told my dead dad I was NOT like him (in my head). I gripped the steering wheel and with tears in my eyes because of how ashamed and pathetic I feel letting drink take over my life, I went home.
I'm sat here missing it already.
Deep breaths.
I have put some fruit juice in an empty wine bottle in the freezer, because it's the action of pouring that I'll miss along with the taste, heck, who am I lying to? In the end, I was drinking my wine straight from the bottle that I would hide inbetween my legs on the sofa all night so I could quickly hide it with the quilt incase my kid came out.
Sipping it from the bottle seemed to make it go down slower than it did out of a glass (again kidding myself, it worked night 1, the second night it went down just as fast).
See, I have this inner monologue of lies just repeating over and over.
I told my ex husband I was quitting, for good and when he asked why, I told him. "How many of our problems have stemmed from the drink? How many arguments has it caused? How much has it cost us? Look at me, i'm overweight, I don't do anything with the kids anymore, I feel disgusting and like a failure as a parent"
He is an alcoholic too but won't admit it. He believes his lies. It's always a stressful time in work etc.
I told him to never ever bring me round any alcohol again, never offer to go the shop for me and never give in if I ask him.
We both enabled eachother for the last 10 years.
So many things you have all said in this thread have really hit home for me, so so many. I'm going to be in tears every bloody time I come in here haha
So, here we go. Night one.My kids have just gone to bed. I have my colouring books ready, I am sat here with a cup of tea, got my fruit juice in the freezer along with ice cream.
If none of that works, I'm going to hit the arcade tab at the top of this site, so many cool games to keep my hands busy.